Elf on the Shelf: Fun Tradition? Or Parents’ Nightmare?

We bought our Elf on the Shelf last year, but with Belén having just turned three this past October, this is the first year we actually introduced our elf into our world. Up until this year I was really charmed by the idea. It seemed like a really fun way to add another level of mystique to the already magical holiday! I started pinning elf ideas last Christmas with plans of having over the top scenes every night and loads of fun creating them.

Reality rarely ever lives up to our imaginations. I do still find our elf, Scout (named by Belén from a multiple choice line-up) charming. But after twenty-two nights of having to come up with new whereabouts, I’m starting to see just how difficult this is going to be in the years to come. Half the time I remember about finding him a new location as I’m getting into my bed. Luckily, you really don’t have to be that creative every single time.

One night he made his way inside Belén’s Christmas stocking. Another night he ended up actually IN our Christmas tree. Earlier this week he was seated on top of our dining room chandalier. And this morning, Belén discovered him sitting on our cooling rack surrounded by the batch of pumpkin muffins I had made last night. Those are my ‘last minute’ placements.

Every now and then I’ll have a burst of creativity and do something a bit bigger. My favorite so far is the campout he had in our upstairs hallway, right outside Belén’s bedroom door. He even had some of Belén’s stuffed animals, books and toys to keep him company.

We also had one night where Scout hosted a book-club meeting, downstairs by our Christmas tree for a group of Belén’s stuffed animals. Further investigation also revealed a slew of Elf-Selfies he took of himself and his buddies. Belén thought the pictures on my phone (obviously taken by him) were particularly funny.

Then there was the door-way swing where he created a personal sign for Belén letting her know she was his friend. He left a bit of a mess behind on this one. This was really early on in his introduction to our family. I could tell Belén wasn’t really sure what to make of him, so I wanted her to know that he was a ‘good’ elf and not something to be afraid of. It seemed to have worked because now every morning she’s super excited to find his next spot.

We staged a fishing expedition one night. This one was a bit more risky because we did this in her bedroom while she was sleeping. I was so worried she was going to wake up and see me holding him.

This is also around when I started thinking of how this – the Elf – could end up being what blows the whole cover on Christmas. For those of you new to Elf on the Shelf – the Elf comes with rules. The rule I see creating problems later on is the ‘no touching your Elf or he will loose his magical ability to fly back to Santa Claus each night to report on the bad/good behaviors of the day’. Seems to me, if I were a kid and did something really bad that my parents found out about, first thing I’d do is go and touch the Elf, ruining his opportunity to report back to Santa. Or if I were at the age of questioning and wanted to see if this was really my parents doing it I would again touch him without them knowing and see if he ended up in a new hiding spot, proving to myself that it was indeed my parents setting it up. And probably my BIGGEST fear – what if I actually forget one night to move him (which is probably the MOST likely scenario). Sometimes I think we’ve taken on more stress during an already time-crunched and stressful month.

I’m also not a fan of using the Elf as an in-house ‘watcher’. “You better be careful that Scout doesn’t see X or he might tell Santa Claus tonight.” We’ve both heard ourselves saying something similar here and there this past month. But tonight it came to a head. Belén was trying to stay up late and wanted to watch ‘just one more show.’ She started to get upset with the ‘No more shows. It’s time for bed.’ answer. Telling Scout about the delayed bedtime was thrown out at some point and that’s when Belén just LOST it. “PLEASE don’t tell Scout! He will tell Santa Claus on me!” It caught us both off guard. She was really visibly upset. We backtracked immediately and said we promised we weren’t going to say anything to him.

Later that night she also had a nightmare about the Elf. Great. She kept saying the Elf was telling Santa Claus she was a bad girl. I told her Scout loved her and that she was the best girl any parent could ever hope to have. I told her that Santa Claus was definitely going to bring her the Sophia Vanity she has been asking for because she was such a good and nice girl. After a little more consoling I tucked her back into her bed and she fell asleep.

This is NOT what we signed up for. We never intended for this thing to have this type of power. It’s supposed to be fun, magical, light-hearted and add to the fun Christmas time memories you have from childhood. This was literally creating a nightmare for her. No more. I’d love it if she forgot all about Scout this next year and we could skip him all-together next year and in the future. But I don’t think that will be the case. But after our parent pow-wow we both agreed he will never be used as a ‘he’s watching you’ motivator again.

We’ve also been noticing other little behaviors that put us out of favor of the Elf on the Shelf ‘tradition.’ She still uses a pacifier to sleep (GASP!) – I know, I know. We’re working on it. She’s not allowed to have it outside of her bedroom unless it’s a special ‘treat.’ Well, this month, with the Christmas tree up and all, I’ve been getting a little lax with that rule. She will ask me if it’s ok to bring ‘Blue’ downstairs and sit on the couch with me to snuggle – honestly, how COULD you say no to that request?

We’ve been doing this more days than not. It’s perfect – she and I in the morning, looking at the tree all lit up, snuggling under the blankets. Well now she’s started asking me if Scout says it’s ok. I keep telling her ‘Mommy said it’s ok.’ But she will insist on knowing if it’s ok with Scout. Ummm…when did he start outranking the parents?? Oh, I guess when we started using him as the reason ‘to be good’ instead of dealing with the tantrum head on the way we always have. WE became lazy this month and started deferring to the Elf, instead of taking the harder road and going through the steps the right way and teaching her the lessons in life ourselves. Wakeup call!!

We’ve definitely learned a lot our first year with the Elf on the Shelf – and really with the whole Christmas season. For all intent and purposes, this is her first real Christmas, where she’s aware of what’s going on around her and how she fits in with the season as well as the people around her. It’s such a fine balancing act of wanting to make your child’s dreams come true along with raising a respectful, well-mannered child. One who appreciates what they may (or may NOT) get and still be happy regardless. We’ve had many conversations about gift giving and receiving this past month. I’ll have more on that in an upcoming post.

My plan for next year is to work our Elf, Scout, into our Advent calendar. Next year he will be responsible for leaving her the gifts normally contained in our stocking and mitten advent countdown. I haven’t completely worked it out, but I’m actually thinking of disassembling the stocking/mitten advent calendar and having him hold each countdown number with that days ‘gift’ hidden inside (in a new location every morning that B will have to find of course). He will simply become the gift giver and not connected with taking anything away or watching her (a.k.a. parenting her). As she gets older, we’ll move more towards filling the advent calendar with ‘Acts of Kindness’ to be demonstrated to friends and family and less of the toys and candy. 24 days worth of presents, regardless of how small, is just too much.

Oh the joys of learning as you go as a first-time parent. I never said we wouldn’t make mistakes. I just hope we can always be aware and have the opportunity to teach her (and ourselves) how we can continue to strive to be better people. In the end, that will be our biggest gift to her.